I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
