I'm jealous of your bromance
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
