Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
