She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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