11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
