I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
