Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
