you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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