Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
FUCK WHALES
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