I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
