I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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