I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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