umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize