Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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