I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
