shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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