'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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