If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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