theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize