hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
