Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
