great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
