Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
