dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
