Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
