After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
