thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
