I think im going to throw up on grandma
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
