also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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