You smell like stripper and shame
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
