hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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