just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
