maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You took a bar mat shot.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
