You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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