I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
