This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize