well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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