I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
