I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize