Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
