dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
