I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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