I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
