I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm both gender and math confused
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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