I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
