If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
