I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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