I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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