Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
