my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
