u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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