Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
