fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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