he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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