i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
