THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
