i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
