i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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