You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
