Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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