don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize