dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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