Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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