Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
