dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I met the friendliest cop last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
