I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize