I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
