i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
